Surgery Date and the emotional process of it all

I have a surgery coming up. It's on Tuesday June 23rd. It's major surgery.

I don't think I'm able to comprehend or process the fact that it is a pretty big ordeal. The whole process begins on Sunday the 21st. Father's Day. I'll be spending that day drinking a solution for a colonoscopy that I need to have done the next day, Monday the 22nd. Usually colonoscopies are a big deal onto themselves, but that's the least of my worries. The big deal is Tuesday the 23rd. I just need to get past everything. I just need to get past the 23rd.

In my mind and heart, I wait for the moment when I wake up after surgery and even though I will probably feel like absolute crap, I'll be covered with warm blankets, I'll be taken to a room with hopefully a nice view, hopefully I'll have my own room and will have some friends and family near me to hold my hand and comfort me if the need arises should I cry for my mom. Which, during this difficult season, I have been doing so much of. This experience has given me such a beautiful and painful reminder of how much I desperately miss my mom and dad. I have been treasuring my memories of them, spending time with them, wishing and aching for their presence.. even though they had their own battles and serious struggles, they were so beautiful to me.

I am truly grateful I got to spend the time with them that I did.

Here are some memories I've been recalling:

Grilled steaks, baked potatoes, green salad and red wine dinners out on the deck in the summer.

Rides to Sandy Hook with my dad, just because.

Long adventure drives with my mom to find the broken down foreclosed property that never turned into the dreamhouse she wanted. With or without a map.. we usually found our way back due to our amazing sense of direction.

Refinishing old furniture with my dad.

Trips into NYC with my dad to go to work with him to recording studios.

Ordering either Chinese takeout or Italian from local places in Highlands on Friday nights.


One thing I know. I'll have the Lord. I'll also have His love with me, in my heart, surrounding me. As I do right now. A love and comfort that exceeds and outdoes any love that we receive here on earth.