Yet, this afternoon I ran some errands and I started to feel a building up of tension. I started to feel like I was going to lose it. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I was glad to come home and quickly put my groceries away and sit on the couch and relax.
I turned on the TV. Steel Magnolias was on. The part where the mom was pinning the corsage on Shelby's wedding suit (the traveling suit after the reception). I saw the love of the mother for her daughter. That zeroed in on my pain. I started to weep and cry for my mother. But in such a wonderful and loving way. The way I miss her doesn't feel like the end of the world, but sort of like.. I wish you were here to be going through these things with me. I bet if she knew the things she's missed out on after she died, she'd be up there, before the throne with arms crossed, tapping her feet, telling God He's got it all wrong and that she should totally be down here with her kids. Loving them, cooking for them and experiencing the joys of all these new milestones for both me and my brother and his new wife.
I miss her strawberry jam. Her handmade wheat bread. Her outlandish dreams and desires.
I miss sitting with her, glass of red wine in hand watching British sitcoms on Saturday nights.. knitting together and giggling and then getting annoyed with her as she just started talking, talking, talking over the TV so I'd have to turn the volume down.
I miss how much she loved others. How she did anything for anyone. How the gifts she made for people were from scratch, handmade, with all the love she could muster.
I miss hearing her prayers, of thanks to Jesus. Oh, did she just love Jesus. I don't know anyone who loved her Lord more than my mom.
This is why I know she's above. Regardless of her mistakes, her weaknesses.. and her strengths.. I know she's with the One she loved.
Beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteHi dear cousin! I found your blog on Facebook, should have known earlier.... I cry with you today, miss Kikki a lot too, the best aunt ever, even if we had the ocean between us! I wish there was something I could do for you, would like to be with you now, comforting you and talking about the old days and the days to come. I love you so much, and I miss you. Even if your parents are gone and Mikael has a busy new life, you have lots of family thinking of you, loving you and praying for you. Hope to see you soon, and I really need to know what is going on with your health, am a nurse you see...:)
ReplyDeletei love this post, Dania. xoxo
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